I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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