i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
