Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
