I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
