The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
