So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
