theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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