come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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