I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
