I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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