i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
