Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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