you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
