At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
