we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
