my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
