So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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