She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
