I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
high people should be assigned attendants
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
