I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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