and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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