my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
