So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
