She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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