Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
