We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we're making bets on your personal life
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
