I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
