I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
