OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
