pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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