I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
