We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
