I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
