she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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