My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
