My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
