So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
babies were throwing up all over the place
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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