I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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