I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
