Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
