I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
