I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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