yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
