Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
