The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
