I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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