My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
