Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
