Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
