He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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