Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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