Will you blow on my dice?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
