Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize