Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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