Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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