What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
