I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
