So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
