I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
