i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
