Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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