she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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