They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
