508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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