St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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