Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
