All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
