Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
