HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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