I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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