from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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