I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Vodka?
Forever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
