i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
