i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
