VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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